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This article is about consensual adult sadomasochistic activity.For the medical condition involving non-consensual ideation or behaviour, see Sexual sadism disorder.Trying to control someone else not only wears you out, it gives you the illusion that you're working really hard on your relationship while the other person isn't doing anything.It also steals energy away from improving the only person you can: Yourself.Hundreds of thousands of women have used these principles to transform their shredded marriages into intimate, passionate relationships, but too many are still stuck in ineffective marriage counseling.Here are some of the reasons that marriage counseling is a big, fat lie. It starts with calling your spouse a loser When a wife says to her husband, "We should go to counseling," what she really means is, "You're a loser." Since a key ingredient for intimacy is emotional safety, this approach puts the connection she craves further out of reach.

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But marriage counseling will never work because it focuses on someone you can't change: Your spouse.

No relationship ever got happier from one person criticizing the other. Would you take fitness tips from a 350-pound personal trainer who just had bypass surgery?

What takes more courage -- but always results in much greater connection -- is being vulnerable by admitting you feel hurt, rejected or lonely. Some marriage counselors are failures Some marriage counselors aren't married. If your marriage counselor doesn't have the kind of relationship you want, she simply can't tell you how to get it.

The second a guy starts negging me, in any way, I like to laugh in his face, as loudly as possible, so that he knows this is not OK, it will not get you laid, and please stop reading books about being a pick-up artist because women are laughing at you when you do that. Dating anyone who actually describes themselves as a pick-up artist.

Telling you you're "not like other girls." That's just a sneaky way of saying, "I hate women, but I don't hate you." Let me tell you something, if he hates women, one day, probably soon, he's going to hate you.

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