Manipulation in teen dating relationships
In my case, I got a real taste of the kind of abuse with which I did not have prior experience.As I learned, abuse is not always a black and white issue (e.g., he either hits me or he doesn't; he either puts me down or he doesn't; he either attempts to control me in really obvious ways or he doesn't).You, younger-self, would be wise to think about (and avoid) the following: He wants you to be thinking about all of the possible reasons for why he's not contacting you when he said he will.He wants you kept on a short leash, and in his mind, this is one way to do it. Furthermore, the guy who does not keep his word goes far beyond the guy who is "just not that into you" -- he's into you, alright -- but for reasons that should leave you wanting to head for the hills, never to be seen (by him) again.The dating game always starts out innocently enough, doesn't it? You are excited; there has been a lot of laughter, and a lot of heart-fluttery-belly-butterfly-ness since you met this person a short while ago.It was Maya Angelou who said, "." The lies we tell ourselves when we meet someone new are extraordinary, aren't they?According to the data from the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) approximately 10% of high school students have reported physical and sexual victimization from a dating partner in the past 12 months.Girls and young women between the ages of 16 and 24 are the most susceptible to dating violence (about triple the national average).
What I am referring to are those far-too-early discussions about marriage and children in which he addresses, On honesty: When you ask him a question about his intentions, does he stutter? It takes approximately 0.0 seconds to invent the truth.I'm not talking about the guy who says he's going to call at 7 and winds up calling at -- no one wants to appear desperate. He's into you because he needs to feel in control, and you are precisely the person who is going to fulfill that need if you do not run.Or maybe he is, quite simply, someone who does not feel as though keeping his word is something he needs to do (this is a conditioning with which, I assure you, you cannot compete).I wish I were tuned in to the ways by which a subtly manipulative relationship is also synonymous with an abusive relationship. Your life, whether you are in college, recently graduated, or watching your twenties come to a crashing end, is much more wisely spent working on your academic, professional, and personal successes than it is falling victim to someone's seductive effort to manipulate and abuse your world.And by the way, younger-self, it works both ways: If you are guilty of the above shades of manipulation, then you too have perpetrated abuse.