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"She got up and gave me the better seat, as if she wanted to take care of me. A few weeks later, Halberstam suggested they go out for dinner, and again, Gomez-Barris was impressed by qualities she liked. "I was still inscribed in a heterosexual framework that said only a man could provide for my kids and be part of a family," she says."She chose a Japanese restaurant, made reservations, picked me up at my place—on time. On a warm spring night in Malibu, after attending a film screening together, Gomez-Barris and Halberstam walked on the beach, a beautiful pink sunset rounding out a perfect evening.The trouble began after they moved to Los Angeles, where their daughter was born and Gomez-Barris's academic career took off at the University of Southern California.

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While studying for her master's degree at UC Berkeley, she met a charismatic Chilean exile and fiction writer named Roberto Leni at a salsa club in San Francisco.

"I was in the more powerful role," says Gomez-Barris, a Ph D and an assistant professor in the sociology and American studies and ethnicity departments.

"I made more money and was struggling to balance my work and home life." "Immersed," is how Leni puts it. All her friends were professors, and eventually I was obsolete. I was brought up among torture survivors, and the most important values were in the emotional realm of human experience, to soothe and support." His noble ideals unfortunately clashed with day-to-day realities.

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